we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
