And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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