They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
