Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
