He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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