Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
