We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
