Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
