My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
