Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
