I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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