you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So much rum. So many feels.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
