just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
