So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
