I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So vagazzling was a success
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
