I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
