Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
