i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
