I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You dont lie about slip and slides
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
