Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
