Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
