Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
