So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
