K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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