I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
