Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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