that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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