and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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