She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
