It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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