Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's like heaven, but drunker
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
