me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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