i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who died my cat blue again?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
