she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
