Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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