I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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