drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I just sharted jello shots
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
