It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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