Someone shit on the floor
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
