I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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