Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
