No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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