just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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