I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
