dude i'm inner monologue high
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
