I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
