I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
