I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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