Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
