Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
